What Stifles Us

I haven't posted for several days; this is due to my husband finally being home and finishing up a bear of a class. Nevertheless, this has been on my mind for quite a while so I'm excited to share it with you and maybe even get your opinions too!!

I got a phone call from a dear friend the other day, it was one of those calls that really makes you step back and think about things. He said he'd been reading my blog (oh my goodness can't tell you how excited that part made me!) and he had a life question for me.

He said that he's got a friend who's got the potential to be a fantastic bullrider and has everything he needs sitting in front of him, but he doesn't know if he'll do it or not. At this point he asked me,

What is it that make us turn away from things we know we could be great at?

I'd like to tell you that immediately following his question I replied with a great wealth of knowledge that forever changed his life and his friends but…I probably didn't.

It got me thinking though, how often do we shy away from a new adventure because we doubt ourselves? Is it in fact easier to just not try than to potentially fail? I once heard that the fear of striking out shouldn't keep you from the game, but I fear that there have been many instances in my own personal life where I have chosen to "sit the bench" so to speak as opposed to possibly failing. I would have to say that the most recent occurrence of this has been with blogging. It may sound silly but I was seriously mortified to post a blog, to have my thoughts and ideas out there that someone might judge, someone might hate. Because of this I erased several starts to what could've been an interesting blog, for fear that you may not like me. So then I asked myself why it is that it would matter anyway? Your opinion of me will not be the end of me, but it means that I would have to make a choice. To be open to the idea of failing, of not being perfect or to just wonder. I did the same with parenting the first time around, I super interested in cloth diapering and all natural childbirth, but when I mentioned it people laughed or made comments. In this instance I chose to give in, that maybe it wasn't that big of a deal anyway and it wasn't worth having people think I was "weird". Sad? Yes, I know!

I tried to think back to a time where I believed I could do anything; I honestly don't think it was since I was a child. You know when it changes every week what you're going to be when you grow up? What changes? Is it something we do as parents, or is it our society? I think it's an honorable thing to be humble, but imagine the opportunities we would all strive for if we truly believed we could do anything
we set our mind to! And so I decided that I'm going to take on new adventures, with the idea that I could totally fall flat on my face, and that would be ok. Because no matter what the outcome, I will have grown, and taking new adventures could lead me to an amazing experience I otherwise would've missed. So my question is, what is it that makes you doubt yourself? And how do you overcome it?

Oh and my first adventure, doing all the things I didn't do with my first baby, making baby food, using cloth diapers, and heck letting my baby sleep in bed with us if that's what I want to do J

Thanks for listening!

Brenna

Oh my sweet boy...

I feel the need to share with you all my son, Parker Jay. He has recently turned two and in doing so our life has become increasingly more eventful and interesting....

While I could go on and on about the recent temper tantrums, meltdowns, bruises, and hitting, today I'd like to share the more promising moments. You know the moments where I think we just may be doing something right....

Parker and I have a great deal of indepth conversations, all laughing aside he's a great listener and I think these "talks" we have has helped his speech to really excel. (I also feel the need to tell you all that I cannot spell to save my life, yes I have a good GPA but word program has spell checker and that is one of my dearest friends). Anyway, our discussions lately have focused mostly on feelings, what makes us feel good, what hurts our feelings, and that it's ok to have them.

Of course he is only two so his understanding of these things is very small. For example...about a week ago we were discussing jobs...(this happens a lot since the hubby has been laid off)

Parker: Momma I gonna get a job

Me: Oh really? What do you want to be when you grow up?

Parker: ummmm (he thinks for a few moments) I be Galen. (Galen is our Pastor at church)

Me: Wow, that's a pretty big job, but I think you mean you want to be a Pastor, you can't be Galen.

Parker: No, I be Galen ok?

Me: Ok Parker you can be whatever you want to be, but you'll have to work very hard to be Galen he's nice to all his friends and his mommy and daddy. Can you do that?

Parker: um ya that's ok.

Fast forward to this morning....

Parker has a melt down over getting dressed. I decide we'll use the Galen conversation to my advantage..

Me: Parker remember if you want to be like Galen you have to be nice to your mommy and daddy?

Parker: I not Galen today I'm Parker. Go sit in timeout momma, you hurted my feelings.

Apparently we've still got lots of work to do, but he at least he's got goals for the future right? And that's all for today, if you've got a little one give them an extra squeeze because it all goes by far to fast..and if you don't, well good luck when you do :)

The little things....

Seeing as my husband has been gone for going on five weeks, well maybe six, I've had a LARGE amount of time to sit back and think about things. My dreams, goals, fears, desires, you know life in general. I think I've come upon some seriously good thoughts....

First- I cannot control the people around me. I cannot make everyone get along, I am not responsible for anyones happiness except my own and to some extent my sons. I cannot make people not say negative things about me, but I can control what comes out of my mouth. I cannot make people see through the drama that certain people create and expect for those said people to magically change. But I can make sure I'm not the drama.

Second- I take a great deal of pride in being married to my husband and the mother to my beautiful son. I am overly protective of both and have realized that it's not necissarily a bad thing to be that way. I tend to overthink everything when it comes to my child, what he eats, what he says, who he's around, what he wears, and who he is becoming. I have also realized that I am truly thankful that he is a handful, this determination can, and will help him to be a remarkable young man. He drives me crazy when he reminds me that he is definitely two, but I'm ok with that, it's good to be reminded that he is still little. I have also realized that for the most part I truly am not concerened with how others raise their kids, every kid is different and so is every parent, what I am concerned with is people who seem to think that if another child is different it makes them "bad", FYI this isn't the case. Can you imagine a world where all of our kids were the same? Boring is the only word that comes to mind.

Third- I am a mess, and I'm totally ok with that. I am far from perfect but that is the way that God intended me to be. I pride myself on being there for anyone in need even if they haven't always been there for me, I can't hold grudges to save my life. My house is usually messy to a point, but my child gets bathed sometimes several times a day. I am still friends with all of my ex's and see no problem with it, no one holds a place in my heart like my husband so there's no need to dwell on the past and not get a long. I'm finishing up my degree but I don't plan to use it, many think this is wierd, but this is what works for us. My job as mommy is number one right now, and while some may not agree unless your name starts with a G and ends with OD it's not your place to judge. 

And that has been what my last few weeks have been spent doing, figuring out the positive aspects in my life and focusing on those, and coming to terms with the negatives and changing them. Cutting ties in some areas and mending bridges in others.  Afterall that is what life is all about, finding ourselves and becoming the people we're supposed to be.

Brenna

Oh where do the days go?

I had myself convinced this time that this whole "blogging" thing was going to take place on a somewhat regular basis. Apparently that has not happened. Nor have I been able to actually post pictures like between what I type. I mean afterall its so boring to only see it at the top or bottom. I suppose this is why I just haven't even bothered to post any pictures.

As to why I haven't posted, well I'd like to think it's because I live such a crazy busy life. But that is not the case. I've just been sick and in doing so I've slacked on every single aspect of my "domestic diva" duties. I thought about posting a picture of my house in its current state, not that anyone actually reads the things I write but to hold myself accountable. But then I realized that then someone else may see my home in its dire state and that would frankly be unfair to my house. ;)

I've decided this week I'm going to hire myself. I realized that I deserve to have someone come into my home and work their butt off for three and a half hours so I can relax and enjoy the splendor of it all. Needless to say I don't know anyone else who cleans houses for as cheap as I do, so...I'm just going to bust my rear and then pay myself. Makes sense doesn't it?

And that's it for now...................
B

The Domestic Diva

I personally would not call myself a "Domestic Diva", however, the name has been recently bestowed upon me and I felt truely honored for such a title.

When I think of the title domestic diva, I think of my grandmother to be honest. Of her perfectly kept home, amazing dinners, and always having the laundry done. These are three areas I often lack in. Admitting that feels like I'm throwing out there that I am not the perfect mother/wife that I would like to be. ...

I get caught up in playing games with lil man, doing homework...I mean playing on the internet. And lunch with the girls. I envy those women who wake up at 5 am are beautifully dolled up everyday, make their husbands lunch, and always have dinner on the table by 5. I am not one of those women. My son sleeps in until 9 and so do I, dinner is usually late (but I'd like to think it tastes good) and I often leave the dishes in the sink until the next day.

I'd like you to think that my kitchen is always spotless and my bathrooms are always clean. But this isn't the case. Afterall, this is a confession so I suppose that means I should be honest here....

While my own home often seems to lack in what I truely believe is important, I happen to be very good at cleaning other peoples' homes. So that's what I do. For a long time I was a bit embarrassed to tell people that I clean homes, I had this idea in my head that it was not a "noble" thing to do. Especially for someone with a college degree...well in eleven weeks anyway :) But I have recently realized that I am very proud of what I do for a living. It means that my son does not have to go to daycare and I don't have to ask my husband for money for things I'd like to buy. And to be completely honest, I take great pleasure in the look on someones face when I arrive and their home is messy and they come home to sparkling floors and dusted shelves. It's like an instant pick-me-up and for some reason it makes both of our day.

For a stay-at-home momma who was looking for something fufilling to do on the side I have found my nitch. I get to meet some amazing people and I get to make a difference for them, and in turn it makes a difference for me. I tell ya that three hours all alone to jam out to my Ipod is like therapy ;)

Thanks for listening,
B