Our journey with SPD

 I feel the need to share my son with the world. I guess mostly because in sharing our struggles I feel like maybe there is one other mom out there who might say, "wow I'm not alone!" This is largely the way I have felt for the last four years. But before I get in to that let me introduce you to my son.

This is my son, I call him my bear. We will refer to him as P for all intensive purposes. He is four going on 18 most days. He was speaking in full, clear sentences by the time he was 17 months old and was explaining life things to me long before I thought he could even comprehend words like ridiculous and absurd. This little boy can take toys apart and put them back together and explain to you why it works and how it could be improved to do more things. He blows my mind at how his little brain works and the things he remembers. Someone told me to write down the things he does because one day I would forget. Now I look back at those things to remind me how blessed I am to be given the child I was, and how I desire to be his advocate in life and the best mom I can be.



When we brought P home from the hospital we were amazed by his determination. He knew right away what he liked and what he didn't. And he wasn't shy about telling us. To be honest I thought that everyone's baby's were the same. We couldn't go to stores in a different order then what I had told him, I couldn't run up to him and swoop him up in my arms without him having a melt down. He would fight me over the clothes he was wearing, the way his socks fit, changing his diaper. My mom said he was "strong willed"  and everyone told me that I should feel blessed to have such a smart kid! Let me tell you, every time I heard this I wanted to poke them in the eye. Not because their intentions weren't kind, but because how do you come back with that and say, "well ya I wish he was just middle of the street, plain, ol' normal." That makes you sound like mom of the year...



It actually wasn't until P's little brother came along that I truly noticed that maybe what P was going through wasn't "normal". I mean his intelligence wasn't "normal" this was clear very early on, but it was our day to day dealings that just didn't add up. Someone told me it was because I wasn't strict enough, so I started spanking him more (this made things 10X worse). Someone else said it was because he wasn't around other kids, so I decided to go back to work so he could be in a child care environment. This worked while he was in a home center, largely because his caregiver was AMAZING and had experience working with special needs. She could handle him in ways that I didn't think were possible. She could redirect him, ask him to do things, even send him to timeout without fail. It was inspiring, and some days made me feel like a total failure. Then the summer drew to an end and we moved him in to a center that I thought was everything a childcare center should be. It was clean, and they said they used all of the same things we did at home! This center was a disaster and that's a whole other post.....It was while he was at this center though that I decided that this wasn't just him "being defiant", so I called STRIDE. This is the center here in town for development for kids from birth to five. Mind you we had gone and done his 1 before 2 evaluation at 20 months and when the woman asked him to sit in the chair and point to where his ears were he said, "I can't, I left them out there." Yes, this was my 20 month old....

While we were at his eval we met with four women in a nice and quiet room. They asked him lots of questions and played with him. We had to end the eval early because he felt too sick (this happens a lot when he is overwhelmed). They met with Nick and I both together and separately.  We both took surveys and were not allowed to look or answer together. They came to his childcare center and to our home to see how he did in different environments. I think even they had to be shocked at what a different kid he was there compared to at home. After a several week period they called and said they had his "results" ready. We met with C the counselor/social worker and one of the occupational therapists, and that is when they said it....

P has a disability.

I bawled. Partially out of relief that there really was something going on and mostly because I saw a flash of a hard life for him. A life full of people not understanding or wanting to understand what he was going through. And a hard life for me, as his mom. To be the advocate he needs and the mom he deserves. This day will be forever engrained in my memory, from the clothes I was wearing down to the smell of C's office. C handed me a tissue and began to go over the evaluation. The words were there in front of me, the way his teachers described him, "unable to play with children his own age, cannot switch activities, often acts out in defiant ways, can't do circle time, is a disruption". There is was, everything I never wanted to hear said about MY child. Wasn't parenting supposed to be butterflies and roses? Weren't my children never going to be the "bad" kids?

The explained to me what Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) was, pretty much the wires in his brain linking his sensory abilities together were in a traffic jam, and apparently lots of extremely intelligent kids deal with it. This was why he was scared of swings, had to wear tall socks, couldn't eat food at "normal" temperatures, why standing in a line made him panic. The list went on and on, he made sense to me for the first time in four years. You can imagine the amount of crying I did through this discussion. But I felt like I was given real hope. Not the band-aid kind of "oh he's just a boy" but genuine words of encouragement for him and for me.

So tonight is the open house for STRIDE. We are going to meet his teacher and begin what I'm sure will be one heck of a journey. But we've taken that first single step and my heart is so full of hope. Hope for the little boy that he is and the amazing man I know he will become, and hope for myself.

A New Adventure.....

Ladies and gentlemen it's official, Nick and I are HOME OWNERS!!!! We are thrilled to be embarking on this new adventure but a little scared because our home needs a M.A.J.O.R overhaul! We are hoping to have all the work done in 45 days and thought it would be fun to document where we started and where we end up. With that being said, here is our kitchen....

The section of wall Parker is working on will soon be gone and the opening will be walled off to create a "U" shaped kitchen.

We are redoing the cabinets, counters, flooring, and getting all new appliances!

Our dining room! The door leads to the mud room and the window you see will soon be replaced with a sliding glass door!

Well, there's a start! We are so excited and can't wait to show you pictures of our progress!

What a difference a week makes!

Well, today marks the end of our first week. And here is our progress...

Here is the start of our bathroom expansion! We will soon have a double sink and double the size of bathroom we originally had! The floors in here were two layers leno with a layer of sheet rock over that (yes sheet rock on the floor, weird right?) on top of that was another two layers of peel and stick tiles and a few coats of white paint...we still need to get the rest of the tile down and put up new drywall and tear out the toilet, tub, and vanity.

Our kitchen! Or what used to be a kitchen :) Goodbye cabinets, old closet and all THREE layers of leno on the floor. The bottom layer was put on with roofing tar, let me tell you how fun that was to get up! Soon the two entry ways you see will be walled off and the kitchen will be a "U" shape.

This picture gives you a glimpse of the ceilings that my hubby surprised me by scraping all of the popcorn off so I didn't have to! This was a veeerrry messy chore and he did a great job.

 I'm one lucky girl <3

This picture is what the sub floors look like now that they have been painted with KILLS paint. Soon we will do the same to the kitchen and dining room so that the floors are sealed and we can start fresh!

And last but not least..we got a new garage door, this is the old one and of course I forgot to snap a picture of the beautiful new one that is now in its place! And our new roof is going to be complete by tonight! It was a busy week but well worth it, we're almost ready to start putting it all back together!

Oh Valentine's Day

I must admit that I tend to feel as though Valentine's day is one of those consumer holidays that the card companies shove down our throats in hopes of increasing their revenue. Obviously they do a good job because holy cow do they make a lot of money! I'm one of those people that like the random acts of "I love you" but now that I have kids...

I seriously LOVE Valentine's day. There is something about pink and red paper, making crafts, and delivering Valentine's to people with Parker. Today's plan was to have the boys (Parker and Bradyn) make Valentine's and then deliver them around town during the day. Our plans hit a roadblock when poor Bradyn got sick so we had to revamp and attempt a new plan in the afternoon. Instead of our normal Valentine's day heart cookies we cheated and picked up Ileen's cookies (which are wayyyyy better than ours anyway) and went to deliver them. It was so fun to watch Parker deliver his cookies and tell people Happy Valmentine's (yes that is how he pronounced it). We ran short on time so we didn't get to deliver them all but it was a great lesson in giving and a great way to say thanks and I love you. I'm going to attempt to post pictures later of the project Parker made for Nick, it's adorable :)

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!

Why hello again :)

 I started this blog once ok twice before.... I keep thinking that I'm going to have something substantial to discuss. A way to define myself in a way besides that of "mom". You know when you can go out and not talk about how cool your kids are or the grossest thing they've done lately?

Well, I can do that. I just choose not to. At the end of the day the sun rises and sets in the eyes of the two beautiful boys who i'm lucky enough to call my own. So with that warning, my blogging will be about my family, because they are my everything. And this is my journey, the path I've chosen. Some days it is beautiful and somedays I swear it's like climbing up the side of a cliff with nothing to grab on to. But that is my life. Welcome to it :)

I saw God today….

I've been to church, I've read the book, I know He's here but I don't look, near as often as I should.

His finger tips are everywhere, I just slow down to stop and stare; open my eyes and man I swear….

I saw God today.

At church today we celebrated the baptisms of five individuals. I happen to be a huge fan of baptism, something about the moment when someone is pulled up from the cleansing waters and you see that sparkle of hope, and newness that just radiates off of them. The moment that someone realizes that they have been saved….

It's a truly beautiful thing, I think that even if you didn't believe in God in any sense of the word that you couldn't help but feel something when you get to experience something like this with someone. For those of us that do know Christ, it often evokes a great deal of tears. Not because we are sad, but because we too remember the moment that we accepted Christ, and the moment that we knew we were saved. Beautiful cannot begin to describe it.

Today took on a whole new meaning of baptism for me. Today I watched as an entire family stood before our congregation to proudly say that they love God with all their heart. It wasn't too long ago that this same family was before members of the congregation and of their family and friends, but for a very different reason. Only a few months ago they stood before them to say goodbye to a son, a brother, and a friend. To say goodbye to a life that was cut far too short. Or so we thought.

Today however I think that things became a little clearer, in this amazing young man's passing he brought three people to Christ. Actually the number of lives he's affected and changed for the better will probably never be known, but today I experienced the power of forgiveness and the amazing power of God to heal hearts. As I watched this family confess their love for the Lord I thought about past situations in my life where I have chosen to be angry with God, to blame things on Him. Minor things, not getting jobs, not making enough money, not getting the things I want. And yet this family who had just recently experienced a life changing loss was standing before God, thanking Him.

After church our congregation gathered to celebrate, to celebrate the new lives in Him. I overheard the father saying that they wouldn't have made it through without God. I am reminded today that I am so blessed in so many ways, and that my God is a powerful God. He can change hearts and change lives, and all we have to do is ask him. He doesn't do background checks, there's no interview process, no check of our bank account balances; He just loves us, just because. And that is truly BEAUTIFUL.

Far too long...

         I swear that it's not that I don't want to post, I seriously think about it a lot. I just don't ever seem to get the words down. I suppose that it's because I read some really fabulous blogs and when I read mine I'm quickly reminded that I am most certainly not at that point yet. Some day....

        Nevertheless, we have been some busy people these last few weeks! I got to attend a shower in celebration of one of my favorite people on the planet. You know when you meet those people along the way that remind you of what you want to aspire to and just light up any room they're in? She is one of those gals. Meeting her (and some other really fantastic women!) has really opened my eyes to what it is that friends are supposed to be and what it is they should bring out in you. I could go on and on but, anyway, she had a beautiful shower surrounded by so many people who just dearly love her and the amazing new life she will be bringing into the world any day now!

Easter was fantastic, yes I took pictures, no they aren't on here because I can't figure out how to post them. Ahhhh so annoying. We started the day with a wonderful breakfast (if I do say so myself!) searched for Easter eggs around the house, went to a fantastic Easter service with a great message, and then got to enjoy some awesome Texas bbq for lunch with our favorite Texas friends. I can't lie, it made me miss Texas that much more!!!

Wednesday we had our 21 week appointment for baby #2, we got lucky and had an hour and half ultrasound!! How cool is that? We decided that we did want to know the sex because the wait was just killing us, and to no suprise of my husbands family we are having another BOY! I'm not going to lie it was a bit of a shock to me, we were pretty sure it was a girl and the six other ultrasounds we've had didn't show any signs of boy. We are very excited though. I think the most exciting aspect of the appointment was that baby boys heart showed four chambers and blood flow to both the right and left ventricle. This may seem like an odd thing to most but heart problems run pretty high in my fam and when Parker was born with a VSD (also known as a murmur) we were told that our future kids have a double chance of having a more severe defect. We go to Denver on Tuesday to do a fetal echo of his heart to really check things out, so please pray that he's got a good one and we get to deliver here in Cheyenne and take our boy home right away!!

Well, that's a quick catch up of what we've been doing. Can anyone help me post pictures between paragraphs? All I can do is at the beginning, which seriously takes all the fun out of it!
Thanks for listening!
B